Three Things I know About Grooms

Fourth thing – he’ll happily hold your bouquet for you, if necessary! Photo: Alex

An update of an article I wrote for The Broke Ass Bride a while back. I have three weddings (THREE) in the next week, so it seemed like a good time to steal from myself. Also contains affiliate links. 

This is what I know about Grooms, having had one of my own and hung out with, like 300 of them. I’ve been doing this for a while, so that’s not an exaggeration. The stereotypical Groom is a little more disengaged, but sometimes it’s the Bride – or one of the Grooms or Brides – who is a little out of touch with your wedding. Keep these in mind:

1. There is one thing. One thing that your Groom wants at his wedding. Might be two things — Zane wanted steak and to have his suit made — but there is definitely one. Yours might want to wear a bow tie, or to not wear a tuxedo, either, or have his favorite scotch/tequila/vodka at the bar. It could be about the guest count. He might not want to do a first look. He might not have said anything — yet — so, ask. And then make sure it happens.

Look, you have a whole vision of what your wedding day should look like, and it might not include the groomsmen wearing Vans on their way down the aisle. But it’s going to make him happy, and you like it when he’s happy. Whatever it is, it’s a small thing, and honestly, a good story. And it’s his wedding, too.

2. They like it when you give them something to do. The old joke is that the Groom only has two jobs — keep his mouth quiet and show up. But most of the Grooms I’ve known like getting involved, and want to help. So,instead of micromanaging your wedding, which is a good way to drive yourself nuts, delegate. The hotel block has to be locked down, he can do that. Book the limo. Make sure his boys have their tux rentals ordered. Yes, the bar. Put him in charge of it. And if it gets messed up along the way? He’s grown and he’s not stupid, which is why you’re marrying him in the first place.  Take a deep breath. He can fix it, and he can fix it himself. Acknowledge that he can, and thank him in advance for doing so.

3. He really wants you to have a great wedding day. This seems like an obvious point, but sometimes when you’re trying to do A, and he might not realize what a big deal A is to you. And that might come across to you that he doesn’t care. He does, trust me. And he’s looking forward to it, too, especially that part where he gets to marry you. Aww. It’s true! Look, there’s a lot of pressure when you’re planning a wedding, and you’re feeling that now, probably. But this day is about the two of you and it’s for the two of you, so pull him in when you can. And from time to time, just look look at him and say, “I cannot wait to marry you.” It’s always best if you lead with the truth, too.

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See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith