Three Things to Tell Your Friend The DJ

  1. Calamigos picture

    Photo: Liz Coopersmith

    There is a circling debate in Wedding World about “friendors” – friends or relatives that take the place of a professional vendor at your wedding.  We all have horror stories about the aunt who catered the wedding but didn’t bring enough wait staff, or the family friend who provided the bouts but forgot the pins. Stuff like that. “You shouldn’t hire someone you can’t fire,” one pro said to me. That may be true – depending on how the day goes – but it’s beside the point.  You may be trying to save money by using a family member. You might love the idea of having your roommate from college DJ your wedding. These are valid reasons, because they’re yours. I say it a million times, and I’ll say it to your face:  It’s your wedding, and you can do whatever you want. My job is show you how to make it work. Couples sometimes take a step back, because your friend or relative is doing you a favor, so you don’t want to come off as demanding, or worse, ungrateful. However. If your Friendor is telling you that they can do as good a job as a professional could, then they should interact with you as a professional would. But it’s going to be up you to manage that experience.

  2. Three things you need to tell your Friend the  DJ:
  3. 1. “We need to schedule a consultation” – just like you would with a professional. Do it as soon as you can.  Go over the basics: When is your wedding, how many guests? What type of music do you want them to play? What is the preliminary timeline for the day? Are they DJ’ing the ceremony, or just the reception? Are they acting as MC as well, or is someone else making announcements and introductions? Are you doing a first dance, parents dances, a Hora, the money dance? Toasts? What do you expect them to do, and what will they do? When will you get them a final timeline for the day? What do they need/want from you right now and in the future? That last question is important.
  4. 2. “We need to go over your equipment list” – This can be a separate call, but make sure you schedule it at the end of your consultation.  What equipment will they be responsible for bringing? Who is paying for that? When do they need to order it?  Again, this will help manage everyone’s expectations. How many mics, how many speakers, how many stands?  This might change, so schedule another call to go over it again, at least a couple of weeks before your wedding. Put that date in your calendar while you’re sitting there. Put all follow-up dates in your calendar while you’re sitting there.

3. “I need you to contact my venue/venue manager/planner” – Give your Friendor their contact information, and set a deadline to reach out to that person. Follow up on that, too.  If your DJ  is local, ask them to visit your venue before your wedding, to check out where they’ll be setting up. Less surprises that way.

And no, you don’t have to phrase it as “I NEED.” “Can you do this for me?” works. “Let’s schedule this on this day” is good, too. Thank them often, emphasize that you want to make sure they have EVERYTHING they need to do this for you. But be clear with them about what you expect them to do, and very clear with yourself about what they can do.

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith

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