Ask Liz: Guest List Deadlines vs. Mom

Photo: Courtney Ortiz via HGTV

Dear Liz:

My wedding is in September, and I know I’ve got to get my invitations out by June. My big problem with that right now are my in-laws.  I’m really starting to look at ordering invitations, and I need their list!! I had another conversation with his Mom last week, and she was pretty insistent that there were certain people that needed to be invited, and she’d get a list to me over the weekend, but she’s been saying this since Christmas. And, I didn’t get anything from her this weekend, of course. I don’t want to come across as pushy and I don’t want to be mean, but am I doing something wrong? Is there a way to ask so that she’ll get them to me?

Signed,

Waiting on FMIL

Dear Waiting,

No, there’s not. She knows she has time, and frankly, getting addresses together is the kind of pain in the butt task that the word “procrastination” was invented for. Practice the kind of patience and strategic thinking that will serve you well through your married life. You can’t get her to work with you, then go the back way. Ask your fiance who he thinks is going to be on her list, and get those names on paper, or better yet, in a spreadsheet, or better yet, in a google docs spreadsheet you can link to. Names only. Send the spreadsheet to her, and ask her to add any names – NAMES ONLY – that she thinks are missing. Tell her you’ve found invites you love, and at this point, the only (ONLY) thing you need to know is how many to buy, can she look at the list you and her son put together and fill in who she thinks is missing? Can she do this by (whatever) date? You are so excited, you found invitations you love, and you want to order them right away so you can have them! But, how many do you need? Something like that, with that attitude. She fills the list in, you’re halfway there.Order the invites. When you get the invitations, ask her to fill in the addresses, by (whatever) date. Offer to have her son help track people down. In the meantime, order your stamps and set up your website, so you’re ready to go when you’re ready to go. There will be straggler names and addresses. Check in with her regularly on that, sending her the link to the spreadsheet whenever you do. Again, patience is required, but It will get done.

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith

Let’s talk about your wedding – Contact me to get more information, or email me at liz@silvercharmevents.com.