David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons for Getting Married

Most of which should be universal rules, I think:

10. Poconos offers newlyweds free room with champagne-glass jacuzzi
9. If I’m going to catch Larry King, I’d better get going
8. Still drunk from St. Patty’s, dude!
7. She needed a green card
6. When you’re my age and look like I do, if someone says they’ll marry you, you do it
5. Don’t have to listen to any more crap from that quack Dr. Phil
4. I finally fit into my dream dress!
3. Free cake
2. Got tired of waiting for Paris Hilton
1. Figured at the least we’d get a mediocre Top Ten out of it

You can find the video on huffingtonpost.com. I mean, that’s where I found it.