Three Things to Tell Your Friend The Wedding Officiant

Photo: Liz Coopersmith

Many couples love the idea of having a relative or close friend perform their ceremony. Officiants have to be legally registered with the state, in one way or another, but the process is very simple, and in most cases, free – Ask me how! Performing a wedding ceremony looks very easy, but with most easy things, the devil is in the details. And, like with your DJ, managing everyone’s expectations, including your own, is important. There are three things you need to tell your friend who is marrying you:

1. 1. Stick to the script. The agreed-upon script. Ask them to not go any more personal than has been pre-approved. I’ve witnessed one too many tell assembled guests that the bride/groom wanted to marry THEM once, or vice versa. I’m not kidding, we’re talking multiple occurrences of this. Or, about how much of a player/slut they were before they met their future spouse. No. There is a time and place for that stuff, but the end of the aisle is not it. You may think your friend would never do that, but ask anyway.

2. You need to sign and mail the wedding license. Now, this is based on what I know about license protocol in California, so check with your state, if you’re not in mine. But here, the officiant is responsible for mailing your signed marriage license back to the state office, in the envelope it came in. They should use two stamps. When I officiate weddings (either on my own, or as part of Great Officiants), I scan the signed license and send it to you before I mail it. But if that’s not going to be possible with your officiant, ask them to also sign the unsigned copy that comes in that envelope, and give that to you for your records.

3. Tell me what you need at the altar. Logistics. Give them a mic, even if they say they don’t need one, and a stand. Are they reading the ceremony by memory (wince) or off of a piece of paper? What is the piece of paper going to be in or on – a clipboard, a folder, or will it be hand-held? Do they need, want a lectern? The best case scenario would be for them to come to the rehearsal. If not, have them come to the ceremony at least 30 minutes before start time, to do a soundcheck with the mic and get a heads up on how they’re entering into the ceremony. Remember, they have to sign your license after that,so figure out where that is going to happen. Even if they are a wedding guest, sign the license right after the ceremony, don’t wait. Everyone is right there, and no one is distracted. Or drunk yet, hopefully.

But, let’s talk about your wedding – what do you need right now, to create the wedding of your dreams? Complete the form below and let me know, or click the button on this page to chat with me live.

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith