Ask Liz: Marriage and How to Swing It

Photo: Sherri J. Photography

Dear Liz, 

We’re planning a big wedding in October. I was my best friend’s bridesmaid in February, and since then, she’s told me that they’ve been having problems. She says that they’re fighting a lot, and the last time we all went out together, they didn’t even look at each the whole night. They were great and really happy before their wedding, and she says she doesn’t know what happened, but everything changed after. I know that marriage isn’t always easy, and my Mom told me that we’ll be fine, and this won’t happen to us. Is there anything I can do to make sure it doesn’t?

Signed, 

Newlywed Nightmares

Dear Nightmares,

Well, I don’t know anything about your friend’s relationship with her husband, or your relationship with your fiance, obviously, so I can’t get too specific. But I’ve been married for over 13 years, and been a wedding planner for 10 of those, so I can give you a little advice based on that experience. A little advice.

I think the first year of marriage is one of the hardest because of the expectations you can have going into it. Like, once you put that ring on their finger, everything should now be better, best, different and magical. He’s your husband, she’s your wife, so they will now act how you think a spouse should, whatever that means to you. This is a problem, because it’s not going to happen. The person you marry is still the same person you were engaged to 20 minutes before. They are still going to talk the same, behave the same, and so are you. One more time: So are you. If there is a mirror around, take a good look at it. Whether it’s bigger things like snapping at you when they’ve had a bad day, or smaller things like their passive-aggressive relationship with paper towels (yeah), this what you signed up for. And as they say, it’s either going to bug you until they die or you kill them. Or divorce them. But, this is a person you love, and more importantly, this is someone that you know loves you. Odds are, whatever stupid crap they do isn’t because they’re trying to hurt you. So, since at least three things popped into your head when I wrote the above, talk about it. Ask them what bugs them about you, too, and figure out how to handle it from here on out. You’re in this together, for better and worse.

Some couples also get caught up in that FOREVER thing, too. This is who you’re goingtobespendingtherestofyourlifewith!!! That’s a long time, and a lot of pressure. But again, remember that before you got married, you wanted to be with them every day. With them is where you wanted to be. They are who you wanted to come home to, because they are your home. Day by day, every day. And that’s all forever is made up of.

So, no apprehension, no fear, no future-tripping. You have everything that you need to have a great marriage. The greatest of those is the love you have for each other, seriously. Use it.

See you at the end of the aisle,
Liz Coopersmith
What questions do you have about your wedding? Contact me  to schedule a free consultation!

‘