Ask Liz: Mommy Issues

Posted: November 7, 2016

And she always will be. Photo: Sheer Delights

Dear Liz,
My fiancé’s mother and I aren’t getting along so well. She hasn’t been involved in any of the planning, so far. She only communicates with him, and won’t talk to me. When we first got engaged, she said that she couldn’t afford to help us with the wedding financially. We completely understood and never pressured her. But since then she bought a brand new car, new furniture, and she went on vacation with her boyfriend. They’ve only been together a few months!

And suddenly, last weekend she told us that she wants to play violin during our ceremony. The wedding is two months from now, and we already have a string quartet. I don’t want her to perform during the ceremony, mostly because of how she’s acted since we get engaged. She was very friendly before he asked me to marry him, and she’s more or less ignored me since then, and I don’t know why. Now she wants to be front and center at my wedding? What should I do?
Signed,
MIL Miffed

Dear Miffed,
As far as the “why,” it could be that once you got engaged, it hit her that she wasn’t going to be the main woman in her son’s life any longer. Some people don’t handle that as well as they should. There isn’t really anything you can do about it, obviously, but it looks like she’s trying to overcompensate for that, in one way or another, by inserting herself into your ceremony. Call for attention? Peace offering? Probably a little bit of both. If she insists, and your fiance is cool with it, I would let her have it. Life is long,and she’s not going anywhere. In my opinion,denying her a two-minute solo doesn’t need to be the emotional subtext of the next 30 Thanksgivings.

Financially-speaking, you really can’t tell people what they should do with their money. It could have been selfish and vindictive on her part, it could be a matter of timing, it could be the heat of passion for her new beau. It could be all of the above. Again, your relationship with her, and to her, is going to last much longer than your wedding day will. She obviously has her own issues, so try not to make her one of yours, right now. There will be plenty of time to pick your battles after you’re married. Trust me.

What questions do you have about YOUR wedding day? Contact me and let’s talk about the details.
liz