Five Ways to Be The Adult In Any Wedding Conflict

1. 1. 

      Mallatts aren’t always necessary. Photo: Ether and Smith

There’s so many moving pieces, with so many people, and so many moving places. And then there’s the money. Wedding conflicts, big or small, family or vendor related, are inevitable. Sorry.  But As Marie Forleo says, everything is figureoutable. Here’s some steps for getting there:

1. Breathe. I know, it’s a cliche, but after you get past, “what the hell?” and “Why do I have to deal with this??” or even in the middle, take a deep breathe, and set your mind on a solution.

2. Recognize The Universal Truth – He/She/They are not going to change. Your parents, your best man, are always going to act like your parents always act. Your venue isn’t going to change their rules. Accept it, and accept that you have to work around it. Another truth: Everyone has their side, but they are also on your side, too. They all want this all to work out for you, so keep that in mind.

3. Do not Engage and do NOT escalate. Another cliche? “Discretion is the better part of valor.” Sometimes  it’s better not to say anything, or react (badly) right away to the problem.  This is true for family and friends, too. Affirm what is that you want, and you love (LOVE) it, and move on. Half the time there it’s not something you can solve, they just want to vent and want you to listen. It’s doesn’t require an action item, so don’t act. Remember, #2. But if you do need a resolution, then:

4. Ask for help and a solution. You can’t have live flame in the venue, ask the venue what you can do and what they’ve seen other people do?  Your dad thinks the florist bill – which he’s paying – is ridiculous. Ask for a number he’s comfortable with, and then ask your florist what you can do to cut it down to that or get it close, without sacrificing style. Your bridesmaid can’t afford the dress you picked out, or the bridal shower/bachelorette party. “What do you feel comfortable doing?” is always your question. If they have to get back to with an answer, give them a deadline to get back to you and follow up. This is your friend, so give her as much cover and back up as you can. Hint: Mismatched dresses are in.

5. Say “Thank You”, A LOT.  People like being appreciated and acknowledged. And, really, you do appreciate them, and their presence, and their help, and that they are here for you on your special day, and the time they’re giving you and the effort they’re expending. Say “Thank You” every time you can. It’ll go a long way.

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See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith

Follow me on instagram @lizcharm for more daily tips and wedding pics