So, You’d Like Your Friend to Officiate Your Wedding?

This is an updated version of a blog I wrote a few years ago.

Many couples love the idea of having a relative or close friend perform their ceremony. Every state has its own rules on how to make that happen, but the process is usually very simple and, in most cases, free. For example, I live in California, so I went online and got legally ordained with the Universal Life Church (not a cult, I promise). They also have a helpful guide to each state’s rules. There is a lot of great information on their website, including sample ceremonies, so check it out.

Performing a wedding ceremony looks very easy, but like most easy things, the devil is in the details. If you want to manage everyone’s expectations, including yours, there are a few things you need to tell your friend who is “marrying” you:

1. Stick to the script. The agreed-upon ceremony script. Ask them, please, not to get any more personal than has been pre-approved. I’ve witnessed one too many friend-iciants tell the assembled guests that the bride/groom wanted to marry THEM once, or vice versa. I’m not kidding, I’ve seen this multiple times. Or, go into detail about how much of a player/slut they were before they met their future spouse. No. There might be a time and place for that, but the end of the aisle is not it. You may think your friend would never do that, but ask and be clear anyway.

2. Talk to the DJ, photographer, and videographer before the wedding. They should go over the musical cues with your DJ and lines of sight with your visual crew. Do they need your friend to step over or away at some point to get clear pictures of you? How close is your visual crew going to be to the altar area? Your friend-iciant should introduce themselves and find that out in person, and ask any questions they have.

3. You need to mail the wedding license. Now, this is based on what I know about license protocol in California, so again, check your state if you’re not in mine. But here, the officiant is responsible for mailing your signed marriage license back to the state or county’s marriage recorder’s office in the envelope it came in. They should use two stamps. When I officiate weddings, I scan or photograph the signed license and email it back to the couple before mailing it.

4. Tell me what you need at the altar. Logistics. Give them a mic, even if they say they don’t need one, and a stand. Are they reading the ceremony from memory (wince) or off a piece of paper? What is the piece of paper going to be in or on – a clipboard, a folder, or will it be hand-held? Do they need or want a lectern or podium?

The best-case scenario is for them to come to the rehearsal. If not, have them arrive at the ceremony at least 45 minutes before your start time to do a soundcheck with the mic and get a heads-up on how they’re entering the ceremony.

5. Do not leave the building before signing the marriage license. You are not married without a signed license that’s been sent back in that yellow envelope. Remember, they have to sign your license after that, so figure out where and when that will happen. Even if they are a wedding guest, sign the license with them right after the ceremony, don’t wait. Everyone is right there, and no one is distracted. Or drunk yet, hopefully.

6. Please ask me any questions you have at any time. A lot of times, your friend doesn’t want to bother you because, after all, they are here to help. They are perfectly happy figuring it out on their own, but that’s when things can get problematic. If they have questions, they need to ask you, your DJ, your coordinator, or, like, your mom for help. If they don’t know, ask.

Let’s talk about your wedding. What do you need right now? Complete the form below, and I’ll get back to you today. Or, you can call or text me directly at 323-592-9318, or email me at liz@silvercharmevents.com.

See you at the end of the aisle,
Liz Coopersmith